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Some reflections on Clara's first month as a two year old...
I Gotta Be Me!
To be clear, this is Paul writing and he must tread lightly when presenting some of his impressions. So, the views expressed in the following paragraphs are those of the author only and do not necessarily represent the views of the author's wife. And with that...
A recent request that Clara submit herself for a diaper change erupted into a 10 minute tantrum, complete with howling, crying, thrashing about, flopping on the floor, stiffening when we try pick her up, flopping again and hitting her head. She relented with a touch of bribery, but partially (I suspect) because she had proven that her will could prevail.
These types of incidents increased in her first two weeks of two-year-old life, promising little relief, before abating as abruptly as they began. They have settled into an unpredictable cycle that can oscillate oh so quickly from gentle, warm, cuddly Clara being the model child to, well, it was explained in sufficient detail above.
This month has left Clara's father with the distinct impression that parenting a two year old carries much of the danger one might expect when transporting nitroglycerin. If you apply the exact right pressure, move at the perfect pace, and keep it at the right temperature, it remains calm, cooperative, and inert. But give it the slightest jostle at the wrong moment...BAM! And it's nearly impossible to discern when a "wrong moment" has presented itself.
Again, these are Paul's impressions. So much of the volatility revolves around Clara's rabid craving for independence, this deep need to make her own decisions and do things her way with the least amount of interference from the parental units. Stepping in to help her put on her shoes, for example, is met with a quick "No! Clara's turn!"
That statement is a warning sign akin to hearing a rattling sound on a dusty trail and turning to see a coiled snake peering back at you. If you manage it properly, you can keep hiking. But there is peril at the slightest misstep.
So, management technique one: Kate. "An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure." She keeps her husband in awe with her ability to sidestep Clara's mood traps and other attempts to assert independence. She keeps Clara in a state of constant motion, believing that an engaged mind is much less inclined to set itself up for an explosion. But when it happens sometimes anyway, she has a calm way of just slowing things down and waiting it out. Clara tests her patience but often resolves her moods on her own.
Management technique two: Paul. I lack that patience, imagination and intelligence. I deal in clearly stated ultimatums. If Clara is asked to do something but is defiant, I present her with an either/or equation. For example, she is running around with a pooped diaper and resisting all rational requests to change it. "Clara, either you come over here on your own so Daddy can change your diaper, or Daddy will come get you and change it anyway." She usually ignores this part.
In fact, this was the extent of my management technique for a few weeks, and I would always have to go grab her and drag her kicking and screaming to the changing table. Then, through pure trial and error, I tried the countdown. I'm sure every parent knows exactly what I mean..."You have until the count of five..."
I've always thought that was just laughable. There's absolutely nothing backing it up. At best it's an implied threat, but what am I going to do? Probably just grab her and drag her to the changing table kicking and screaming. But it works! She lets me count all the way to four, make a dramatic pause and give her a menacing look, and then as I begin to utter "five" she sprints to me.
It's so much better than the false choice. If anyone has any real insight into why this works, please feel free to share it. For now, we're perfectly content to use it (but not abuse it) as a last ditch effort to get some compliance from our two year old.
Okay, on to some of the better parts of parenting a two year old...
Potty Training
Clara remains fascinated with the idea of using the potty and the fact that others do it. She is far less interested in doing it herself.
But we're making small steps towards it. We purchased her first pull-ups this month, and Clara loves being able to put them on herself. She is also eager to wear big girl panties, but her excitement knows its limits. We made a concerted effort to get her on the little potty several times a day at the beginning of the month, but we stopped pushing as she showed less interest. We're not so sure, in fact, that she can yet discern in advance when she needs to go.
Dada, watchya doin? Whatchya doin, Mama?
After "No! Clara's turn," we believe this is the next most frequently uttered statement from Clara's mouth. She will repeat it dozens of times in a span of just minutes as she follows us around the house. She remains curious and wants us to explain everything to her.
Her language keeps coming along at a clip that impresses her parents. Early this month, sitting around the dinner table, we found Clara leading a two-minute conversation on what we did that day. It was complete with questions, recollections, requests for our responses, and responses of her own. She kept the conversation going.
Singer & Pianist
Clara loves music and singing. She has memorized countless nursery rhymes and child songs, and she's even beginning to sing them...going so far as trying new keys! She climbed into bed with us a few early-mornings ago, and when she decided she couldn't rouse us up yet, she entertained herself by singing through all the lyrics of Frosty the Snowman and Old MacDonald Had a Farm.
Here we captured her sitting at the piano and trying out a favorite...
Counting On Her Fingers
The small things can count so much! We enjoy watching Clara get focused on a particular task, perhaps experience some frustration, but grind it out until she can do it. She's been working for a couple months on counting on her fingers, holding them up individually and collectively as she moves from one to five.
Now this sounds so easy, but it's pretty difficult for a two year old to develop finger dexterity to use the thumb to hold down some fingers while fully extending the others. As she practiced, you could almost see her brain wiring itself to do something it just wasn't able to do without repetition.
For a parent, it's beyond gratifying to watch!
I Gotta Be Me!
To be clear, this is Paul writing and he must tread lightly when presenting some of his impressions. So, the views expressed in the following paragraphs are those of the author only and do not necessarily represent the views of the author's wife. And with that...
A recent request that Clara submit herself for a diaper change erupted into a 10 minute tantrum, complete with howling, crying, thrashing about, flopping on the floor, stiffening when we try pick her up, flopping again and hitting her head. She relented with a touch of bribery, but partially (I suspect) because she had proven that her will could prevail.
These types of incidents increased in her first two weeks of two-year-old life, promising little relief, before abating as abruptly as they began. They have settled into an unpredictable cycle that can oscillate oh so quickly from gentle, warm, cuddly Clara being the model child to, well, it was explained in sufficient detail above.
This month has left Clara's father with the distinct impression that parenting a two year old carries much of the danger one might expect when transporting nitroglycerin. If you apply the exact right pressure, move at the perfect pace, and keep it at the right temperature, it remains calm, cooperative, and inert. But give it the slightest jostle at the wrong moment...BAM! And it's nearly impossible to discern when a "wrong moment" has presented itself.
Again, these are Paul's impressions. So much of the volatility revolves around Clara's rabid craving for independence, this deep need to make her own decisions and do things her way with the least amount of interference from the parental units. Stepping in to help her put on her shoes, for example, is met with a quick "No! Clara's turn!"
That statement is a warning sign akin to hearing a rattling sound on a dusty trail and turning to see a coiled snake peering back at you. If you manage it properly, you can keep hiking. But there is peril at the slightest misstep.
So, management technique one: Kate. "An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure." She keeps her husband in awe with her ability to sidestep Clara's mood traps and other attempts to assert independence. She keeps Clara in a state of constant motion, believing that an engaged mind is much less inclined to set itself up for an explosion. But when it happens sometimes anyway, she has a calm way of just slowing things down and waiting it out. Clara tests her patience but often resolves her moods on her own.
Management technique two: Paul. I lack that patience, imagination and intelligence. I deal in clearly stated ultimatums. If Clara is asked to do something but is defiant, I present her with an either/or equation. For example, she is running around with a pooped diaper and resisting all rational requests to change it. "Clara, either you come over here on your own so Daddy can change your diaper, or Daddy will come get you and change it anyway." She usually ignores this part.
In fact, this was the extent of my management technique for a few weeks, and I would always have to go grab her and drag her kicking and screaming to the changing table. Then, through pure trial and error, I tried the countdown. I'm sure every parent knows exactly what I mean..."You have until the count of five..."
I've always thought that was just laughable. There's absolutely nothing backing it up. At best it's an implied threat, but what am I going to do? Probably just grab her and drag her to the changing table kicking and screaming. But it works! She lets me count all the way to four, make a dramatic pause and give her a menacing look, and then as I begin to utter "five" she sprints to me.
It's so much better than the false choice. If anyone has any real insight into why this works, please feel free to share it. For now, we're perfectly content to use it (but not abuse it) as a last ditch effort to get some compliance from our two year old.
Okay, on to some of the better parts of parenting a two year old...
Potty Training
Clara remains fascinated with the idea of using the potty and the fact that others do it. She is far less interested in doing it herself.
But we're making small steps towards it. We purchased her first pull-ups this month, and Clara loves being able to put them on herself. She is also eager to wear big girl panties, but her excitement knows its limits. We made a concerted effort to get her on the little potty several times a day at the beginning of the month, but we stopped pushing as she showed less interest. We're not so sure, in fact, that she can yet discern in advance when she needs to go.
Dada, watchya doin? Whatchya doin, Mama?
After "No! Clara's turn," we believe this is the next most frequently uttered statement from Clara's mouth. She will repeat it dozens of times in a span of just minutes as she follows us around the house. She remains curious and wants us to explain everything to her.
Her language keeps coming along at a clip that impresses her parents. Early this month, sitting around the dinner table, we found Clara leading a two-minute conversation on what we did that day. It was complete with questions, recollections, requests for our responses, and responses of her own. She kept the conversation going.
Singer & Pianist
Clara loves music and singing. She has memorized countless nursery rhymes and child songs, and she's even beginning to sing them...going so far as trying new keys! She climbed into bed with us a few early-mornings ago, and when she decided she couldn't rouse us up yet, she entertained herself by singing through all the lyrics of Frosty the Snowman and Old MacDonald Had a Farm.
Here we captured her sitting at the piano and trying out a favorite...
Counting On Her Fingers
The small things can count so much! We enjoy watching Clara get focused on a particular task, perhaps experience some frustration, but grind it out until she can do it. She's been working for a couple months on counting on her fingers, holding them up individually and collectively as she moves from one to five.
Now this sounds so easy, but it's pretty difficult for a two year old to develop finger dexterity to use the thumb to hold down some fingers while fully extending the others. As she practiced, you could almost see her brain wiring itself to do something it just wasn't able to do without repetition.
For a parent, it's beyond gratifying to watch!
