Clara's (Actual) Birthday...the Story

We were far less advanced three years ago. Rather than keep a running blog of Clara's birth (as we did here with Hattie's), we wrote down our thoughts in a notebook. Antediluvian! 

Now with Clara's third birthday celebration, we thought it a good time to share the story on the blog.

***

9:30 am, Thursday, February 26, 2009

Water broke. At OB/GYN for non-stress test. I leaned into Kate's belly and told Baby Girl she's already in trouble for missing her due date. Just then, Kate said she felt something coming out. We looked and knew: her water broke.

Dr. Barrett came in and checked. Kate's only one centimeter dilated. But she wanted to send us to labor and delivery anyway.

Kate had to put on a chuck pad diaper - there are copious amounts of amniotic fluid.

We walk down the stairs and out of the office. Kate's quick thought: she wanted to eat a banana in the car before the nurses in labor and delivery cut off all food.

10:00 am

Checked-in to Rex Hospital. Jack and Marnie told us a couple weeks ago about their experience birthing cousin Kate. They were late, went to the OB (feeling fine) and were told to get directly to the hospital. They weren't at all prepared.

Luckily we paid heed to that story and had all our bags packed in the car. We thought we were being excessively cautious, but it worked to our benefit. Kate even put the bassinet next to our bed before we left.

10:15 am

All checked in. Room 238, pod "D." A young nurse named Margaret gets us settled in. Kate changes into her gown, and the water keeps seeping out. It has a faint honeysuckle smell to it. We go through a couple more chuck pads.

Margaret is switched out and we get Karen...a much older and obviously more experienced nurse. This is good. She's on a 7 am to 7 pm shift. Our challenge:  have this baby before Karen's shift ends.

I snap some pictures.

10:45 am

Dr. Buckley is on rounds. He stops by for the first time. He takes a a look at our birth plan and acts very laid back about it. Kate asks for reassurance that Baby Girl's head is still down. It is.

The contractions are happening but are very irregular.

Dr. Buckley will come back in 3-4 hours to see where things stand. We will think about petocin at that point - if necessary - to induce labor.

11:15 am

We are settled in for the long haul. Kate is sitting up in bed working on Sudoku puzzles. We're looking at baby names. Coming in we had five names on the short list. Our plan is to see which one feels best when we meet Baby Girl. Two were just struck from the roster: Allie and Lucy. Out!

11:45 am

We disconnected Kate from the fetal monitors and unplugged the IV pump to do some laps around Rex. Kate looks lovely in her hospital issue gown.

2:00 pm

Not much progress on the labor. We walked around the halls for 20 minutes in hopes of getting it going. But no. Karen is now hooking Kate up for petocin. Last check: still one centimeter dilated and about 70 percent effaced. A long way to go!

3:20 pm

The petocin drip is in. The contractions are getting more intense, but they aren't much more regular. Kate is sitting up in bed but keeps her eyes closed to relax.

I ran out for half an hour to grab some lunch in the cafeteria. Kate won't be eating for some time. Once she gets four centimeters dilated, they say it's an hour plus per centimeter all the way to ten.

Right now it's hard to know if Baby Girl will be a February 26 or 27 baby.

5:00 pm

Petocin has the contractions at about three minute intervals, and they're getting much more intense. Kate feels it in her back now. It seems clear that we'll go well beyond Karen's 7 pm shift.

Franklin called and said he would come when she starts pushing. Ted and Barb are on their way to Raleigh. They'll stay at our place while we're in the hospital.

Waiting for the next physical exam...

8:00 pm

Another nurse named Karen. She has a hint of Irish accent and is high energy. Kate did two hours of hard labor, blowing off the contraction charts a few times, before we threw in the towel and got the epidural. They were so intense,  her entire lower body was shaking from exhaustion. We hope this lets her rest because we don't seem anywhere near ready for Baby Girl to come out.

12:00 am, Friday, February 27, 2009

I dozed off for an hour of rest. Kate has been relaxing, but no sleep is coming. She has all sorts of tubes and wires poking out of her. Now she's extremely nauseous and feeling intense pressure with each contraction.

The chart says we're three centimeters dilated and 80 percent effaced. Baby Girl is in negative two station, so she's still riding high. Not sure when the next exam comes.

Is this epidural working?!

12:30 am

We got some fresh epidural and an exam. Seven centimeters dilated! And Kate's body is taking over the contractions. Much better!

1:30 am

Ten centimeters. Fully effaced. We're in labor-down mode, and then Kate will be pushing. Called Ted and Barb and Franklin. All are on their way. Packing up the room to move to post-partum.

2:00 am

Karen comes in and says it's time. Kate has been lying on her right side with one leg propped into the stirrup. The petocin has been throttled down.

2:15 am

Pushing begins in earnest. Karen leads through the first three, having Kate bear down hard three times with each contraction. The baby made slight progress down the birth canal each time. At the fourth contraction, she called for Dr. Buckley to come in. She turned a mirror for Kate to watch.

Dr. Buckley prepped quickly and supervised the final three contractions. Karen and I continued to hold Kate's legs back with Karen doing all the coaching. Dr. Buckley sat on a stool at the end of the bed in full scrub gown and face mask.

We started seeing the head by the second push. By the sixth, it was crowning. Dr. Buckley worked hard to get it through before the contraction ended.

2:46 am

Baby Girl's head is out and they are swiveling her neck to guide out the rest of the body. She came out limp, and the doc flipped her over like a rag doll and stuck the suction ball in her nostrils and mouth. Baby Girl let out a healthy holler. Kate sighed and smiled big.

Dr. Buckley handed Baby Girl off to Karen who quickly plopped her on Kate's chest and began to scrub her down. Baby Girl seemed annoyed but hardly cried.

Dr. Buckley let the umbilical cord stop pulsating and clamped it down an inch from her belly. He handed me the scissors to cut it (but we had to keep Baby Girl's hands away...she was close to losing a finger!).

Karen whisked Baby Girl to the warming station for cleaning and APGAR scoring. I grabbed the camera and started snapping the first pictures of our daughter. She hardly cried! She remained pleasant with a curious look as her eyes adjusted to the light.

Dr. Buckley stayed at his station, working on Kate. He massaged out the placenta and showed Kate the umbilical cord. It must have been three feet long. He stitched her up.

3:15 am

I go down to the waiting area in the lobby and bring Ted, Barb and Franklin up. Franklin asks to go in first so he can film Ted and Barb entering the room.

We walk and take pictures for 45 minutes, moving Baby Girl to Kate's arms for a few shots, but she mostly stays under the warming lights.

4:00 am

Franklin leaves and we prepare to change to the post-partum room. I go with Baby Girl to the third floor for her first bath. Ted and Barb watch through a window. Baby Girl cries angrily as the nurse drags a coarse wash cloth across her smooth skin. It must have been like sandpaper to her. I filmed as her lips quivered.

4:30 am

All of us are in room 305 for recovery. Kate has Baby Girl in her arms and is learning from the nurse how to breast feed. Baby Girl latches on tentatively. Kate is most anxious about getting Baby Girl feeding well in these first couple days.

9:30 pm, Saturday, February 28, 2009

We've been in the hospital nearly 60 hours now. Kate might have six hours total sleep in all that. We're falling more in love with Clara by the moment.

After getting set up in the post-partum room we wanted to get word out to friends and family. By 7:30, Franklin had completed a video montage. We needed a name for the child before announcing her to the world. We had some quiet time to spend together with Baby Girld. We had been reaching consensus slowly but surely in our own way. A list that had no overlapping names evolved into five names we were willing to consider without too much agreement.

By now, Kate had eliminated three more and it was down to Olivia "Liv" Caldwell and Clara Katherine. We all now know what won out. There was no singular trait that secured the name selection. I tried both combinations a few times..."Liv Caldwell, you're grounded! Get in your room!" and "Clara Katherine, stay out of the street!" Clara just felt right.

We set out a simple announcement via email:

Introducing...

Clara Katherine Dryden

Born February 27, 2009. 2:46 am.

7 lbs 14 oz. 21 3/4".

Beautiful.

Mother and baby doing well. 

Pictures from Franklin Golden.

Responses began flowing in quickly. Through the day several women remarked that the video had them bawling. There was wide consensus that Clara was the most beautiful child ever. We couldn't disagree with that.

Several people stopped by through the day. Ted and Barb came in around lunch time. Franklin, Martha, Lily, and Davis stopped by briefly in the afternoon. Amelia Harrison talked her way past security to deliver a dozen pink roses. Bob Inskeep, Associate Pastor at First Presbyterian poked his head in to offer prayers from the congregation.

The day nurse was quite bad, but that night Heather came on duty. She was an angel! She cared for Kate and distributed a bounty of advice that put her at ease. Most importantly, she stayed with our new mom and encouraged her through the frustrations of early-breast feeding. And under Heather's watch, Clara latched on wonderfully and Kate felt at ease.

While Kate was fueled off love and adrenaline, Paul was dozing through the night and slow to wake up to the frequent disruptions. I remain concerned about how I'll adapt to the sleeplessness to come.

Little Clara slept in her bassinet next to our bed. Kate was nervous about her gurgling, knowing that she was spitting up and concerned about choking. Finally, at 3.00 am we sent her to the nursery to sleep under nurse supervision. We benefited a lot from the ensuing 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

The morning was filled with visits and breast feeding. Clara pooped out the tarry meconium and peed for the first time. Dr. Barret stopped by on rounds and offered to release us early if we wanted...all was going well. Dr. ??? from White Oak Pediatrics came by. We discovered he's a Davidson grad. He poked and prodded Clara and will probably not be on her good list anytime soon.

Ted and Barb came through after lunch and sat around quietly with Clara, giving Kate and me a much appreciated 60 minute nap.

Today, in general, has been about getting to know Clara Katherine and getting to see ourselves as a little family. She remains calm in nature, but she can call on a powerful pair of wind pipes when it's time to voice displeasure. She does not like exposure to cold air. But as soon as she's swaddled, she calms right down.

She has show some immediate strength. When I turn her on my shoulder to burp, she can extend her neck and hold herself up for a brief moment. Because of her chubby head and shoulders, the extensions reveal a tiny neck that give her the distinct look of a turtle sticking its head from its shell.

It's as beautiful as I anticipated seeing Kate as a mother. We can't imagine this being any better than these first 40 or so hours of little Clara's post-partum existence. We want her to know our love for her. There will be plenty of times when we upset her and vice-versa, but this love transcends. We are so happy and so proud to be her parents. She is a blessing in our life together.

Clara's Third Birthday Party

We rang in Clara's third birthday this morning, bringing together a small group of folks at the Cameron Village Goodberry's to share in a delicious frozen custard cake. Chocolate, of course. 

Note the non-burning candles. No, this is not an uber-protective parent thing (though we're plenty guilty of that on other counts). We forgot to bring matches. And despite Nate Helmers running around the parking lot and into neighboring restaurants in search of a smoker to help, we could find no flame. So, we pretend. The two-year olds don't miss a beat. (To Nate...thank you!)


And to all the parents whose children we sent home amped up on sugar just before nap time? You're welcome.  

To the very considerate lady working the counter, attending to our every need (well beyond her job description) whilst two-year olds burned off their sugar crawling around your shop floor...Thank you. You deserved every penny of that extra tip!

Hattie's Sip-and-See

As far as we can tell, the Sip-and-See is a uniquely Southern affair...an excuse to let women gather, gawk at a new baby, and sip morning drinks steeped in champagne. Thank you to Sarah Baker for offering her home and tremendous hostessing prowess in bringing together some of Kate's favorite people in Raleigh to introduce little Hattie.

Raleigh's Blizzard of 2012

Is this all you got Old Man Winter?! Well, at least Clara is impressed...

And here we are just a few hours later with barely a flake left on the ground and approaching the 50 degree mark. Let's count the ways we love North Carolina winters.

Hattie Speaks

In a moment that reminds us of Clara's earliest laugh (caught on video here), we provoked these smiles and coos from Hattie early yesterday evening.

Hattie at 2 1/2 Months

Hattie, oh Hattie. Whilst big sister Clara's every milestone had been documented in exhausting detail at this stage of her life, the second child's progress has been neglected on this family blog. If this leaves deep scars later in life, we hope (at least) we can work out some couch time discounts given Mama's a card carrying member of the head-shrink trade.

So here we are, at two-and-a-half months, throwing together a summary post of Hattie's biggest events...

First, the sleep. On this point, when compared to her big sister at the same stage, Hattie is proving a bit precocious. Perhaps this comes from some intrinsic quality. But we're eager to celebrate Mama's indefatigable efforts to get our baby sleeping for progressively longer spells, outside of our bed, and on her own. 

It seems to be working.    

Our night time routine starts with a bath around 7.00, the entire family reading stories in Clara's bed, Paul staying with Clara while she falls asleep, and Kate putting Hattie to bed in the pack-and-play in our bedroom. Several times over the past two weeks, we've had both girls asleep by 8.00, giving the parental units a chance to relax a bit before our bed time hits. 

Well, on several occasions, Hattie has slept from 8.00 until 2.00, 3.00, and even 4.00 am at least twice! The progress gives us great ambitions for Hattie's sleeping skills. But for now we're taking it one night at a time.

Naps are a different matter altogether. Suffice it to say there's little reason to expect Hattie will ever have anything resembling the "normal" nap schedule Clara once (sort-of) enjoyed. Such is the life of the second child.

Second, the stats. Hattie went in for her two-month check-up and inoculations the week before last. Kate bore the brunt of the baby's anguish as she was poked and pricked four times in those chubby little thighs. Although she's more of a grizzled veteran these days, her heart remains soft and Kate cried along with her daughter. 

Speaking of those chubby thighs, Hattie weighed-in at 11 1/2 lbs. The rolls of fat forming on her wrists, cheeks, and chins provide plenty of evidence that she's an eager eater. The only draw-back on eating remains a steadfast protest against the bottle. As Kate enters her third week back at work, Hattie is yet to take anything but the daintiest of sips from a prosthetic nipple. She is going six and seven hours straight, under Paul's care, with her hunger strike. We're girding up for another bottle battle this week and have supplemented our armaments in hope of turning the tide. We will try a new bottle system to see if a change can shake things up.

[Here's a mid-blog update:  we tried the new bottle this morning. Hattie resisted as usual. Kate says, "I'm thinking we should try something sneaky and terrible." To which Paul replies, "I love sneaky and terrible!" Kate nurses Hattie into a state of complacency. Her defenses are down. Kate eases Hattie off, mid-suckle, and pulls the switcheroo. With eyes still closed, Hattie latches to the faux-nipple and gulps down an ounce or so of the milk. It worked! But she then opens her eyes suspiciously, notices the trick, and spits it out in protest. Doh! We'll try again when her defenses are once again lulled down. In the meantime our deep freezer is accumulating an arsenal of pumped milk. And we wonder if this child will ever taste the fruits of Kate's every-morning pumps.] 

Third, the fun stuff! Hattie has begun smiling, cooing, laughing (a little), and even rolling over. While we were at the beach, Hattie started showing some smiles and hinted at some coos. It all seemed to start with a game of stick-out-the-tongue mimicry. Paul is ready to swear by this being Hattie's first attempt at communicating. If someone came within eye-shot and poked out his tongue, Hattie would throttle out of reptile-mode, awaken her brain, and stick out her own tongue in response. A game! And though this part may be fantasy of a proud and doting father, he swears that she would initiate the game herself from time-to-time when Daddy came near.

The tongue thing was part of the Great Brain Awakening we noticed on our beach trip when Hattie was about seven weeks old. We think it primed what we've seen since. Indeed, she has been an eager social smiler especially when big sister Clara flashes her own brilliant grin. The cooing came quickly after, both come together when Hattie wakes up slowly from a long sleep. This produces the best moods, and Kate has even managed to get some giggles in those moments. 

The rolling over is more mysterious. We have two counts now of putting Hattie on her tummy, looking the other direction, and glancing back to find a baby on her back. Our powers of deduction tell us it's more likely that Hattie produced this result of her own power than - say - a flipper-fairy magically appearing and doing it for her. This first happened right at two months. It's been a couple weeks since the last instance, so we'll watch closely for more progress...hopefully the kind we can actually observe and document. 

Finally, little Hattie shows more and more the signs of being a little redhead, complete with the stereotypical temper. It's as if nature decided to amplify the Scottish genes from both parents (about 1/4 on both sides) to produce a mini-Highlander. When she is calm, she's calm. But if anyone does anything to stoke her fire, she erupts with a fury not easy to quench. We're slowly learning the rhythms of the anger. If we catch it in the build-up phase, it's manageable.   If we catch it after the first escalation, it takes some time to soothe her but we can do it quickly enough. But once the eyes close and the body stiffens....whoah! Hell hath no fury like Hattie scorned. She will wail and wail, demanding full attention and all the bouncing, shooshing, and sweet whispering a parent can muster to calm her down.

 That's our Hattie at 2 1/2 months. We have lots more learning to do...

Clara's Star System

9-Month Clara lunging for video, a familiar pose.

We have a video problem in this household, and it's been nearly three years in the making.

Harkening back to her earliest forms of expression - in this case, the grunt - Clara would demand the video. Initially, it was all about videos of herself which she would view on our little handheld camcorder, a laptop, or Kate's iTouch.

Nearly all videos we have recorded of young Clara end with her lunging for the camera, demanding to watch a video.

As she got into children's characters, she wanted to watch videos of Elmo, Barney (ugh) and  Caillou (double ugh). The moment the video came out, Clara demanded to watch it, putting aside any other form of entertainment, education, or human engagement.

Clara, the self-dresser, cashes in to watch a video.

It's only become more pronounced as Clara has gotten older. Any time Kate or Paul would connect the iTouch to a speaker to play some music, Clara would carry her stool to the bookshelf where it was located, climb up, disconnect the music, and click the familiar red Netflix app. She would disappear into a corner engrossed in her video. I fear we were not far from finding her stroking the iTouch, whispering "my precious" to it, and hissing at her parents if they came too close.

Unfortunately, that's not as terrible an exaggeration as it might appear. Our daughter gets so mesmerized by the videos she blocks out almost all other stimuli. She becomes oblivious to the world in what we have come to call her zombie mode. Worst yet, once it's time to put it down, she just becomes foul and her tendency toward unseemly fits increases dramatically versus, say, asking her to put down a book in lieu of some other activity.

As parents, we are - of course - highly culpable in all of this. We allowed the habit because a video contains her in a fixed place for an extended period of time, thereby giving us a chance do other things...clean up, check email, write blog entries, eat a meal, sit quietly for a moment, bathe, etc.

Well, we finally confessed our problem and decided to attack it head on. Enter Kate, her well-honed skills of applied child psychology, and the gold-star system. Here's how it works...

Kate purchased some over-sized gold stars at Staples, and Clara gets two or three opportunities to earn one each day by cooperating with her parents. We focus her on "hang-up events," those activities that have a tendency to cause disruption and long fits...putting on clothes in the morning, getting into the car/stroller without commotion, and putting on pajamas at night. (We also sprinkle in gold-star opportunities throughout the day as conditions warrant, e.g., being quiet when Hattie is napping or putting her pants back on after going potty.) When she cooperates we hold a small ceremony, taping the star to the fridge while making specific note of what she did to earn it.

The stars can be cashed in for coveted prizes. For two stars, she can pick a lollipop from the candy tin. For five stars, she can watch one video on Kate's iTouch.

A lollipop waiting to happen.

We implemented the system one week ago, expecting some backlash from stripping an addict of her fix. But there was none of that. Somehow, someway she went with it from the get go. She accepted the new system that required her to earn video rights as opposed to being able to demand them in the past (and usually getting her way). She becomes very focused on the number of stars on the fridge at any given point. And because she usually gets excited about cashing in two in exchange for a lollipop - and given that she only gets about three earning opportunities a day - video watching has dropped off a cliff. (We hope she begins to intuit the benefit of delayed gratification soon, bypassing those lollipops to hold out for the more coveted video.) We've actually gone three straight days with no videos, no fits about videos, no fits about making her put the videos away...and even a couple of chances to listen to music with the iTouch!

What that means for daily life is a renewed interest in books. The videos have been replaced by lots and lots of reading. That involves a lot more hands-on parenting, of course, but we're glad to make the trade-off to get a generally more cooperative child, more engaged with us, less whiny about videos, and usually in more pleasant a mood.

So, one week in we call Kate's system a stunning success. (Yes, there is a demerit element where disobeying or poor behavior leads to losing starts.) Our challenge as parents is to avoid abusing its early success. We hope to proceed delicately to keep the motivation in place

Clara & Conjunctivitis Junction

Whilst our attention was focused on evading the dreaded norovirus (that terrible stomach bug has made its way to Raleigh yet again, reminding us of the damage it did two years ago when it took Clara, Paul, Kate, Ga, Pappaw, and some extended family out of service with its 24-hour rampage), Clara was socked this week by a case of double pink-eye plus ear infection plus chest cold. 

Using the sleeve to wipe snotty noses leads to cheeks as red as red roses.

We caught it early, filled the required prescriptions, and have been working hard to keep the germs away from Hattie. Clara has managed like a champ. 

We do, however, have a bone to pick with the medical community. When advising eye drop medication for a two-year old, PLEASE, PLEASE provide detailed instructions on how to administer them! As one might imagine, Clara was not eager to open her eyelids for the onslaught. But she did. Twice. The first time was a bit of an adventure where she watched Paul administer his own antihistamine eye drops ("See Clara, it's so easy even Daddy can do it.") and then tried it herself. By her own account it wasn't pleasant ("It stings, Daddy! It stings!")

Despite that, she went along for a second try just three hours later when Kate got home from work. She sat on Kate's lap while Paul readied the drops. She psyched herself up, conjuring some bravery to show off for Mama. Tossing her head back, she saw her father hesitate and groaned through clenched teeth "Just do it Daddy! Just do it!" 

Her parents are impressed by that grit. But she wised up after that. The next several attempts involved all sorts of salesmanship, bribery, and finally (ugh) some brute force. Do many readers have experience holding down a child, keeping her arms pinned down, head in steady position, and eyelids pried open while placing one dainty drop of medicine in each? Let me say it's just not very pleasant for anyone involved, the victim least of all.

We compromised by letting her keep her eyes closed while we worked some medicine into her tear-ducts. Fortunately, we caught this early and it was a combo ailment with the ear infection which required oral antibiotics...meaning, the oral medicine helped fight the eye problem when the drops weren't going to happen. It cleared up pretty quickly without continuing the eye drops.

Back to the initial point...it would have been nice to receive some medical advice on the best way to administer these drops. Clara's friend Olive had the same pink eye at the same time and had to get the drops, too. After her parents went through the same struggles, she called the nurse begging for suggestions. The nurse told her she could just drop the meds into the tear ducts while Olive's eyes remained closed. That's not a problem at all.  

And we all thank our physicians, nurses, and pharmacists for holding back this key piece of information until we managed to scar our children with unnecessary torture applied every three hours for two + days. 

Grandma Dryden Visits

Grandma Dryden hitched a ride with Brent and crew when they came through for the Krispy Kreme Challenge and was able to stick around for a couple days, meeting her 23rd grandchild for the first time. (And reconnecting with Clara to boot.) The visit came just as Kate was wrapping up her maternity leave, and Paul was battling the anxiety of being in-charge of both children at the same time for more than, say, 15 minutes at a time. We welcomed those wise and experienced  helping hands!

After bragging about Hattie's bottle skills here, we rested on our laurels and did not make more attempts at developing her skills before Kate took her food sources and headed back to work. Hattie has officially put herself on a full bottle strike. She screams desperately anytime that synthetic nipple comes anywhere near her mouth.

In addition to having the magic touch of rocking Hattie to sleep, Grandma has been the only person to get her to partake of the bottle. And while we wish we could say our baby has since changed her tune, alas, she has not. 

Grandma demonstrated that Hattie could do it, but apparently only for Grandma. 

K2C, Year Two

Methinks an annual tradition might be in the making as Brent came to Raleigh, with Will and Sadie Kay in tow, for our second running of the Krispy Kreme Challenge. The motto..."2,400 calories, 12 donuts, 5 miles,1 hour." That about sums up a race to pound out 2 1/2 miles, gobble a dozen glazed rings, and circle back another 2 1/2 miles in less than an hour. 

Last year Jack made the trip and fulfilled the challenge. This year it was Will - donning a black "morph suit" - who managed the feat of downing a dozen whilst his father and uncle nibbled daintily on a single donut each. Well done, Will! The biggest accomplishment, we should note, was him doing this without yakking (though that certainly doesn't knock you out of contention if you keep running).

Cousin Sadie Kay also made the trip down, and the seven-year old found a big fan in her three-year old cousin Clara. They played all morning, held hands walking to the Q-Shack for lunch, and were disappointed to be separated when the crew headed back to Virginia.